Who walked here once?

Who hears the voice of rock, of tree, of vole?
   Who steps in silence,
through forests damp and dim?
   Who leaves no trace of passage?

Lives once lived,
   In autumn’s dancing color,
Danced as well.
   Now gone,
To sleep in dreamless ether.

But walk through forest paths,
    In footprints left
 beneath the duff and detritus
 of years,
   and wonder
              what remains?
Who trod here once?
   Who left their sigh?
Drifting vague, through treetops
   Sway and shiver?

No fear, but know
   The air is limned,
the line,
The shape
Not gone, but drifting,
   vague, in treetops sway
                                    and shiver.

What the Shadow knows…………

I sense it,
  Treading lightly,
    poised on toes of dust.
Shadowed fingers
  Reaching for my shoulder.
A charcoal sketch,
  Sentient.

It is memory.

A squeeze, a pinch, a caress.
There to remind me, that all life
  Is a ticking clock.
    And each tick
      A still life,
A memory.

A Slightly Scary Story...

   “You’ll need a rain slicker.” said the man behind the counter. “The rain comes every day.”
    Lucinda checked her wallet for money and handed over the correct amount.
    “Now ya’ll be careful out there.” he drawled as she reached for the door.
    “Excuse me? she asked.  “What do you mean?”
    “Well, “ he said, “been some trouble up there in the forest preserve lately.”
    She backed away from the door and looked closer at him.  He would not meet her gaze.
    “Trouble?” she asked.
    “uh, yuh, been a long summer it seems.  Seems some kids have gone missin’.”

    As a rule Lucinda never spoke to strangers, but this man stirred her curiosity.  He was probably in his seventies, paunchy and pale, with watery blue eyes.  She could see the reflection of the overhead lights in his slightly sweaty brow.  But still, he would not look her in the eyes.
    “Missing? You mean ‘never found’?”
    “ …uh, yuh.”  he spoke quietly.  “Never found.”

   A decision needed to be made…

Tiny, sudden sparks that float behind my eyes, periodically slip forward, open their coats and expose themselves to me.

Tissue paper carnations

Third grade…….tissue paper carnations.  I can do this.  I can help.  An island of calm amidst my shattering life.  Shattered and uneasy.  Always uneasy.
    But today I am making tissue paper carnations.  All the children gathered closely around the work table.  Laughter and talking, loud and joyous.  
    But I am quiet; concentrating on my flowers, happy to be in this place. Safe. 
    For several hours there will be no changes, only this thing I can do; tissue paper carnations.

...my father was a gypsy

     They emerged from the train squinting and blinking in the clear, pure Florida light. The train smell and grime clung to them along with the fear and longing for what they left behind. The memory of the train, ticking off the miles and hours like a long, sinuous clockwork, still vibrated inside their heads and aged them, rubbing their tender flesh raw, their tender thoughts numb.
     No one was there to meet them.  They milled around each other, shedding blankets, pillows, wool and cracker crumbs.
   The fragrant, deceptive future of their lives hung, invisible, around them.

Errant Thoughts

Intermittently Sparking Synapses #249

Today is no different….
   The game was always the same: girls taller than me, blonder than me; girls chosen first, first before me. Laughter and talking melding into a constant din; the din rising and falling as each girl was chosen.
   And alone I stood, an island of crackling nerves, shuffling my feet, hands holding on to each other for fear they might do something regrettable. 
   And at last I was chosen, last as always, at the end, unheard, unseen, unwanted.

Green Briar Park

In dreams they come,
  Slithering, flapping, 
Leaving dust and shards and feathers in their wakes.
  No scent, just flailing, viscous eddies 
More thought than force.
  And skies of mud, soundless.
Leaving in their wake
  apprehension.
To go, not go,
  I stand, and shudder, small 
And deep within my cells
  They push,  I stand.

Age 13.  Somewhere between baby girl, and half grown woman.  A simple weekend walk becomes a war zone.  The park, my destination.  I can see them; all long and lanky arms and elbows, legs and knees.  Raucous yelps of pleasure and something desperate.  All 13.  Somewhere between baby boy and half grown man.  Playing b-ball, at GBP.  I am not able to move forward,  I am too entranced; trapped between my desire to swing and repelled by their cruelty and derision.  They are in my way.  I don’t realize that this is the true beginning of who I am to be.  I will learn, in time that if, and when I want to swing, I am so much more powerful than they will ever be.

Brown Velvet box

Sometimes, in the dark hours, when the birds in the parking garage are silent, and all I can hear is the shushing of the tires of the homebound late shift workers, I think about you.

I try to remember the good times, the times in Technicolor, filled with heart and soul so deep all I could see was rich, brown velvet.
In a box,

that velvet climbed up the walls, caressed the bottom, contained my heart and closed it in, with cover tight. We had a thing that I am unable to name. Your face was my face, I was you and you were me…I think.

But when the chips were on the table, when it was time to show our cards, you folded. Folding, for me, was not an option. I played my hand, but it wasn’t big enough for you, wasn’t high enough, wasn’t dear enough, because you walked away from the table.

The ripple from your exit still nudges my boat.

Your hateful, negligent rhetoric and absence ripped great, bleeding wounds so deep inside me, that even now when I remember then, 
the scar tissue tingles faintly.

I was never able to let you go, because you see, you were careless enough to leave part of you with me. Funny that you didn’t even miss those parts. You were so full of yourself that those tiny, flickering flames you left me never had the power to make you turn, to look, to see how, as time progressed in my world, those flames became the light with which I traversed my world.

Now I am just I.

And you are living on another planet. I would not want you, or anyone to open that box for me, because you see, my heart was locked inside it. Lid tightly closed, It sits, in shock, unable to move beyond. I’ve tried. I don’t have the technology.

But I’ve learned to persevere. Which is different than to thrive, and in persevering I was able to release my self to those brilliant flames, that you chose to ignore for year upon years. 

So you may now have one of those flames, and I dearly pray you don’t do or say anything to snuff it out. This one needed you; she had always possessed the uncanny talent to get exactly what she wanted.

It’s not for me to say whether it’s right or wrong, it just is. But let me assure you, here and now, if you hurt or damage that flame in any way, I will come after you with a wrath you’ve never even imagined I possessed.