Wednesday, November 19, 2008

first, I want to apologize to you for instilling in you, and your sister and brother, this burning need to question everything. In some situations this is a good quality, but when applied to EVERYTHING it definitely engenders a good bit of anxiety. I do this to myself. There's something else I do to myself that I can't quite parse out yet, but it causes heaps of anxiety. I have way too much time to think. I try to circumvent this 'thinking' thing by reading alot, but not with doing stuff. Stuff that I know for sure, when I'm doing it, makes me so creatively satisfied. I don't yet understand why I veer off and avoid doing these things. It's like there's something in my brain that acts like the Berlin wall. We all know life would be so much better if it was gone, but it stubbornly, illogically still exists.

ok, that said, questioning my desire to have a wireless connection is actually a good thing. I don't know why I want it. yes, I have a cable and phone wire trailing down the hallway, so what. it's almost as though I look for something to drag my time and attention away from things that would bring me so much more satisfaction. I don't know, it's all procrastination methods honed to a fine point. I just don't know why I can't get past or even around this blockade.

Ad eundum quo nemo ante iit
To boldly go where no man has gone before
From: Jenine Abarbanel To: Mardene Abarbanell Sent: Tuesday, November 18, 2008 11:31:45 PMSubject: wireless router will, what happened to the airport express? it just stopped working with your machine? why do you want a wireless router anyway? you've only got one computer, you always use it in the same place, and you've got a phone jack out in the living room, right? you? no, that jack doesn't work, does it. so you've been dragging the ethernet cable into the living room? is that too hard? what's the deal?j.

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